Why I Stopped Looking For My Future Husband

As a single girl in her 30s, I feel like I’ve been looking for my future husband, pretty much ever since I graduated college and decided that would be the next step for me in my life. I have tried church groups, hanging out with friends of friends, and even online dating. Nothing has been successful. So I decided to try and figure out why it’s so hard for me to find my future husband. I read articles, bought books, and even talked to pastors at church to maybe get a little advice. Here’s what I’ve discovered:

  1. There’s no book or article on why I’m still single. I know that seems kinda obvious, but I was wondering if there was something I’m doing that I shouldn’t be doing or something that I wasn’t doing that I should be doing during this time to try and help the process a little bit. While the books and articles I read offered some good advice, I found that none of them really helped me. Some of them talked about how you should just wait and be patient and God’s going to bring you your future spouse, and others talked about how you have to do some work to find your future spouse, but none of them really gave a definite answer on what you should or shouldn’t be doing.
  2. I trust my friends and family members (for the most part), but at the end of the day, what I found was that the guys I had met just were not a good fit for me. I have a pretty simple checklist of things I look for in a man, based on the Bible and whether or not I can do life with him. While I did meet some good friends, God made it clear to me that none of these men were my future husband. The same thing goes for the church groups I was in (not that I was there specifically looking for my future husband, but the thought had crossed my mind that I might possibly meet someone while I was there).
  3. The advice I got from pastors was a lot like the advice I got from the books and articles I had read. Some of them felt like I shouldn’t be doing anything, except living my life according to God’s Word and my future husband will come along at the right time. Others said that I should be living my life like usual, but that I should be looking as well. Their theory was that if you’re trying to find a job, you wouldn’t just sit there and not apply to any job or not put yourself out there. You have to do those things in order to find a job, so why would it be any different for finding a future spouse (I should add that all of the people I talked to are happily married).

After everything I had found out, and doing a lot of praying, I’ve decided that I’m going to stop looking for my future husband. I know God has him out there for me somewhere, but I’ve decided that I’m not going to actively look anymore, and I’m okay with that. I really want to focus on myself and my job as a teacher. I have faith that God will bring my future husband into my life when it’s the right time, but I’m also not going to stop putting myself out there at the same time, because I do believe that my future husband is out there, and I don’t want to miss my opportunity! 😉

So if you’re reading this and you feel like it’s the right thing for you to join dating sites and keep putting yourself out there, or if you feel like you want to sit back, chill, and let God handle it, then that’s fine. You do you. Don’t feel pressure from everyone else to do things how they want you to do them, or exactly how they did things. What’s best for one person, isn’t necessarily good for everyone.

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Just A Few Things…

I know I usually have a specific topic I write about, but today I feel like just writing about a few things that are going on in my life right now.

Almost 2 weeks ago I got all my wisdom teeth pulled. This was kinda a big deal for me because I hadn’t gone under anesthesia since I was a few weeks old and I wasn’t sure how I was going to react to it (I’m really sensitive to  medications and such that are known to cause anxiety as a side effect). One of the things they used to put me under I guess had a history of that because next thing I know I’m having a HUGE panic attack. I told them what was happening and they fixed it right away and didn’t have any more problems after that. I was really surprised that I didn’t need to take any medications for pain (other than aspirin) and that I didn’t have any swelling. I’m really thankful that it’s been a somewhat fast recovery, although I still can’t eat anything crunchy for another week…

One thing recovering from this while on Thanksgiving break has allowed me to do is update all of my things for when I start looking for a new teaching job. Right now I’m a teaching assistant at a middle school, and if I’m being completely honest, when I first got the job, I wasn’t sure if I would like it or not, since my degree is in elementary, but I really do like it for the most part. I’m currently thinking about getting my certification in middle school English and possibly Social Studies, but right now I’m still looking for an elementary position for the upcoming fall.

Teaching postings in my area usually don’t start until March, which even though is a few months away, I’m still preparing for because there’s a lot that goes into it. It takes me a good hour to apply for a teaching position sometimes (if I’ve never applied to that particular district or school before), and that’s not including all of the prep time needed to prepare for the interviews. I’m so blessed to be able to work at a school that promotes from the inside, but also realizes that teaching assistants aren’t going to be teaching assistants forever. I’ve had a couple of teachers I work with on a daily basis offer me time in their classrooms to teach with them or even by myself. They allow me to come up with my own materials and take student work samples for my portfolio.

This is the first year in a really long time that I actually feel pretty excited and confident that I’m going to have my own classroom next year (God willing), and that’s a HUGE deal for me! I’ve been a certified teacher for 3 years now, but I’ve never had a classroom to call my own. So I’m really looking forward to that possibility for next year.

I’ve also been on a bit of a health journey. I was diagnosed with PCOS about 5 years ago. Before that, I didn’t even know what PCOS was or even that I had it. Ever since my diagnosis, I’ve been on a journey to get back into a good health standing. It’s been a slow process (if you know anything about PCOS, then you know how difficult and slow it can be), but any progress is good progress in my book, and I’m feeling more determined than ever not to let PCOS be what defines me or my life. I’m already taking steps to make sure that I make more progress with getting healthy again this upcoming year than I ever have in previous years, and I’m seeing results of my work already.

I know this post is a little unusual since this is not what my typical posts look like, but I know there are a lot of people that can relate to the things that I write about, and that’s why I write about them.

Big Changes

Today marks a big change in my life. For two years I taught elementary kids, and before that, I taught preschool, and I loved every minute of it, but today I accepted a position teaching middle school students.

I didn’t plan on teaching middle school this year. I have been considering teaching middle school since 2007, but I had always planed on teaching elementary for a few more years, then eventually move into teaching middle school, and then maybe high school, but last week I got an email from a district I hadn’t even applied to. They wanted to know if I was interested in teaching at their district and if I was interested, they would send my things to the principals in the district. I went out on a limb and said that I was interested in elementary schools. The next day I got 3 phone calls wanting me to interview, one of them was a middle school.

I was kind of surprised that a middle school would be interested in me, since all of my experience was in preschool and elementary schools, but I decided to step out and go to the interview anyway. After the interview was over, I honestly didn’t feel like it had gone well at all. I answered all their questions to the best of my ability, but I could only answer the questions based on my experiences in teaching preschool and elementary students. When they called me today, I thought for sure they were just going to thank me for coming in and interviewing, but that they were going to go with someone else who had more experience, but they didn’t. They said they were going to recommend me to their human resources department and that they liked hiring teachers who have a background in elementary.

Just a few years ago, this kind of big change would cause me so much stress and anxiety. I was one of those people who hated change with a very strong passion, but in college God showed me that change is good. We may feel uncomfortable with it for a short time, but that’s only because He’s growing us and preparing us for something more, and while I do have to admit that I am a bit nervous about this upcoming school year, since I’ve never taught middle school before, but I know that this is where God wants me to be, and I’m super excited for this new adventure and to go on this journey. I’m also excited to see where God is going to lead me in this new phase of my life!

Teacher Brain

So it’s my first week being on summer break, and I’ve been experiencing insomnia. For a teacher during the school year, this isn’t unusual, mostly because we’re constantly thinking about everything we have to do and worrying about our students. This is also true for me on summer break. I’ve tried not to think about everything I have to do to prepare for next year and not think about my students I had this past year, or the students I’m going to have this upcoming school year, but I can’t seem to turn that part of my brain off. Even though this is not an official thing, I have so cleverly dubbed this effect as, “teacher brain”.

Yes, it happens to the best of us. They (being the other teachers I worked with) warned me this would happen my year I was a student teacher. Oh, they told me horror stories of how you don’t get any sleep once you become a teacher, and like the inexperienced and unseasoned new teacher I was, I didn’t believe them, but I can tell you now that the struggle is all too real, people!

Teacher brain is all too real, and not only does it cause insomnia, at times you’re likely to forget things like why you just walked into a room, what day, or even what year it is. You also forget where you put things in your classroom, even if you just had it in your hand.

So, if you ever wonder why teachers act so crazy and forgetful sometimes, it’s because we’re tired and we have teacher brain, but I guess it’s a small price to pay when you love your job.

Funny Things Kids Say

Today I had to say goodbye to my students. I didn’t tell them that I wouldn’t be back next year (although some of their parents knew). It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but at the same time I’m excited to move on to other opportunities that come my way. On one hand, it’s hard to say goodbye to what I’ve known for the past year, and to move on to the unknown when I’ve invested so much time and energy into 50 students this year, but hopefully when my former students look back to being in my classroom, they have great memories!

I don’t want to be too sappy with this post, so I’ll leave you with some of my most favorite, sweet, and funny quotes from my kiddos this past year:

 

 

Me to a student from another class: “I have to go now. It’s time for my class to line up and go back inside.”

Student: *takes my hand* “Let me walk you to your classroom…You know, you’re the only reason I come to school every day…”

~

Student: “How old are you?”

Me: “29.”

Student: “Then you’ll be 100, and then you’ll die!”

Me: “Well, that escalated quickly!”

~

*One of my students falls on the playground*

Me: “Are you okay?”

Student: *Looks at me like I’m a huge weirdo for asking him that* “WELL, OF COURSE I’M OKAY! I’m the Hulk!”

~

Student: “Miss Jessica! You’re 13, right?”

Me: “Sure. Let’s go with that!”

~

Student: “Miss Jessica! That kid accidentally pulled my glove off again!

Me: “Oh, no! What are we going to do with her?”

Student: “I don’t know… Maybe we could put her in a bag?!”

Me: “Well, that escalated quickly!”

~

Student: “Miss Jessica! You can be on my team, but I have to tell you the rules first. No boys can be on my team (even though he’s a boy), absolutely NO accordions EVER! And no grown ups can be on my team, but since you’re short, you don’t count as a grown up!”

Me: “One of the only times being short pays off!”

~

*I bring a squirt bottle full of water out to recess with me on hot days so if the kids get too hot, I squirt them with some water*

Student: “Miss Jessica, can you please squirt me?”

Me: *Squirts student with water*

Student: “Ah! This is the life!”

~

*One day I had a substitute teacher for my classroom. It was only for part of the day, so when I get back to my room, the substitute teacher starts to leave*

Student: “Bye, Ms. Julie! It was nice meeting you, but I probably won’t ever see you again because I’m going to a new school next year!”

 

These kids!

Give Me Your Dreams

The past few weeks God has been kind of dealing with me about something that I do all the time, which is dream. I dream all the time about what I want to do in my life, aside from my profession as a teacher. There’s so many things that I want to accomplish, and so many things that I want to see happen in my life, and while dreaming isn’t necessarily a bad thing to do, God has been really dealing with me about this and just wanting me to give Him my dreams, and in return, He will give me His dreams for my future.

This is a BIG deal for me. As I’ve already said in previous postings, I am a planner. I love to plan things and my family, who aren’t planners at all, think I’m a big weirdo for loving to plan things, which I think they’re all weirdos for not planning anything…Back to my point though…

I find it to be really hard to let go of these dreams that I have. Some of them I’ve carried with me since high school, others I’ve had since college, and He’s just been reminding me a lot lately that He can do so much more than I ever could. His plan for me is much greater and better than I can even begin to know or understand.

I was blessed to be involved in praise and worship teams in high school and college. I’ve always loved to sing ever since I was a little girl. At the house I grew up in, we had a swing set in our back yard at the bottom of this hill, and it was located close to our next door neighbor’s home. When I would go and play on the swings, I would always sing, and I guess my neighbors were outside sitting on their deck one day when I was playing and singing, because when I was a teenager, she had said something to me about how she always loved to hear me sing while I was playing as a kid. That kind of surprised me, because I was a really shy kid, and I didn’t like to sing when anyone was around.

Then in high school, I had the opportunity to join my church’s praise and worship team, and I did that through 2 years of college as well. During that time, I would go and work various teen and kids camps every summer, and one of the speakers that had come a couple of times during these camps I would work, his wife was a praise and worship leader, and she would write and perform her own songs. I was really inspired by her, and I ended up buying a lot of her music, and she has this song that she wrote. In the song she says, “Give me Your dreams. Open my eyes so I can see through eyes of faith. Your reality is much greater than me. Oh, help me to believe.”

The song is basically about asking God to help you to believe in what He wants and believes for your life. It’s actually still one of my favorite worship songs to sing, but I love how the song really talks about giving God everything we have, including our dreams, because He can take those and give us back something much greater than we can even know.

I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen in the future. I’m hopeful that I’ll have my own classroom soon (I’m still working on this), and hopefully one day I’ll be able to be a wife and a mother, but all of those are just examples of dreams that I have that I’m just giving to God, and while it’s really difficult for me to give God these dreams that I have, in exchange He’s going to give me something even better. I’m not saying that He’s not going to give me any of those things, but what I am saying is that by giving God my dreams of having my own classroom and being a wife and a mom someday, maybe He’ll give me an even better teaching opportunity than I could ever dream up. He’ll give me a future husband that’s even more amazing than I could ever imagine myself.

I don’t know if maybe you’re reading this and you struggle with surrendering to God your dreams and plans for the future. Maybe you’re just like me and you have a hard time doing this because you’re a planner too, or maybe you just have trouble turning everything over. I honestly get it. I still struggle with this, but eventually we have to come to a point where we understand that whatever we give to God, He’s going to bless that and He’s going to make it even better than we can even begin to fathom. We just have to trust Him and know that our dreams are in good hands.dream

Flood

It’s currently 1:00 in the morning, and I just got done helping my sister pack and move things out of her condo because just a few hours ago we were told that we had to evacuate because we’ve had so much rain the past week that the nearby rivers and creeks are rising rapidly and there’s a chance that her condo will be flooded. In all honesty, we’ve never really had to deal with flooding before. I grew up in the country, and we always lived on a hill, so I’m not used to preparing for anything like this. I’m reminded though, of the story of Noah in the Bible.

God told Noah that He was going to flood the Earth and to build a boat for his family and the animals. I’m sure that Noah was made fun of and people probably treated him like he was crazy or a big weirdo, but instead of letting the opinions of others get to him, he chose to listen to God. He continued to build the boat exactly the way that God told him to.

How many times have we let what others think of us hinder us from listening to God? I can tell you that for a really long time I really cared about what people thought of me. I was so focused on pleasing people that I lost my focus on God and that the most important opinion of me is God’s. In Galatians chapter 1 verse 10 Paul writes, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Whenever I have trouble remembering that other people’s opinion of me doesn’t matter as much as God’s opinion of me, I read this verse, because it reminds me that I’m just one person. I’m not going to be able to please everyone or make everyone like me. There is only one person that I can do my very best to please, which is God.

Maybe you’re like I used to be, and let’s just be honest here, like I can still sometimes be. Maybe you struggle with worrying about what other people think of you, but I want to challenge you to really think about what Paul wrote to us about how it’s not our job to please the people around us or care about what they think of us. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be kind or caring with each other, but it’s when we start to put our focus on other’s opinions and trying to please them instead of God that will get us into trouble. So, instead of trying to please everyone else or worrying about what others think about us, let’s put our focus back on God and do our very best to please Him.

**While this post is mainly about not pleasing others and instead pleasing God, I wanted to say that my sister and I made it out of her condo before all of the roads closed. It took us 2 hours to make it to my house, which is normally a 45 minute drive, but we’re thankful that we were able to make it out safe. The river is supposed to crest tomorrow, so it’s just a waiting game right now. The picture below is the condo. It was taken today, and we’re praying and believing that the water will not make it through the sandbag wall.