As a single girl in her 30s, I feel like I’ve been looking for my future husband, pretty much ever since I graduated college and decided that would be the next step for me in my life. I have tried church groups, hanging out with friends of friends, and even online dating. Nothing has been successful. So I decided to try and figure out why it’s so hard for me to find my future husband. I read articles, bought books, and even talked to pastors at church to maybe get a little advice. Here’s what I’ve discovered:
- There’s no book or article on why I’m still single. I know that seems kinda obvious, but I was wondering if there was something I’m doing that I shouldn’t be doing or something that I wasn’t doing that I should be doing during this time to try and help the process a little bit. While the books and articles I read offered some good advice, I found that none of them really helped me. Some of them talked about how you should just wait and be patient and God’s going to bring you your future spouse, and others talked about how you have to do some work to find your future spouse, but none of them really gave a definite answer on what you should or shouldn’t be doing.
- I trust my friends and family members (for the most part), but at the end of the day, what I found was that the guys I had met just were not a good fit for me. I have a pretty simple checklist of things I look for in a man, based on the Bible and whether or not I can do life with him. While I did meet some good friends, God made it clear to me that none of these men were my future husband. The same thing goes for the church groups I was in (not that I was there specifically looking for my future husband, but the thought had crossed my mind that I might possibly meet someone while I was there).
- The advice I got from pastors was a lot like the advice I got from the books and articles I had read. Some of them felt like I shouldn’t be doing anything, except living my life according to God’s Word and my future husband will come along at the right time. Others said that I should be living my life like usual, but that I should be looking as well. Their theory was that if you’re trying to find a job, you wouldn’t just sit there and not apply to any job or not put yourself out there. You have to do those things in order to find a job, so why would it be any different for finding a future spouse (I should add that all of the people I talked to are happily married).
After everything I had found out, and doing a lot of praying, I’ve decided that I’m going to stop looking for my future husband. I know God has him out there for me somewhere, but I’ve decided that I’m not going to actively look anymore, and I’m okay with that. I really want to focus on myself and my job as a teacher. I have faith that God will bring my future husband into my life when it’s the right time, but I’m also not going to stop putting myself out there at the same time, because I do believe that my future husband is out there, and I don’t want to miss my opportunity! 😉
So if you’re reading this and you feel like it’s the right thing for you to join dating sites and keep putting yourself out there, or if you feel like you want to sit back, chill, and let God handle it, then that’s fine. You do you. Don’t feel pressure from everyone else to do things how they want you to do them, or exactly how they did things. What’s best for one person, isn’t necessarily good for everyone.