This post is coming from a very honest and transparent place in my life right now. I know that I’m not alone in this and there are more people like me in the World, but this is something that has been on my heart a lot recently. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m turning 31 tomorrow, but lately I’ve been really tired and fed up with being single.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a wife and a mother, and if I’m being completely transparent and honest, I really did think that I would have those things by now. I grew up going to a private, Christian school, then eventually I ended up going to two different Christian colleges, both of whom had reputations for people going there, finding the right person and getting married, but I somehow managed to graduate from that private, Christian school and both colleges having gone on zero dates, or not having had any young men show any interest in me in that way.
Through various conversations with God and revelations from Him, I’ve since come to find that He has called me to not be involved with a man romantically until I meet the man I’m supposed to one day call my forever, and while I’m completely fine with that (because let’s just be honest here, I would rather avoid the heartbreaks and baggage that tends to accompany us when we exit out of relationships that we feel had potential to lead to marriage), having that knowledge doesn’t make being single any easier though.
Again, if I’m being completely honest and transparent here, I’m kind of frustrated with being single currently. We’re taught as Christian, single people in the church to be content with where we are in life, and to “bloom where you’re planted”. While I understand where those teachings come from, I can’t help but feel that maybe the reason why I’m not content with a life of being single, or why I can never seem to make myself be content with it is because I’m not meant to be single. I’m not called to a life of singleness, and therefore I will never be fully or completely content with being single.
I believe that God has the right man already picked out for me, and for whatever reason, I haven’t met him yet, or if I have, God hasn’t revealed him to be my future husband yet. While I realize that God has His own timing for bringing that man into my life at the perfect time, and I do believe that He is going to be faithful and bring forth His promise of a future husband to me, it doesn’t necessarily take that strong desire of wanting to be a wife and mother more than anything away.
It’s not that I don’t believe that God is working in this, because I do. I have seen God actively working in my life, and know that He is going to keep His promises to me, but I guess I’m just in a place where I feel stuck and fed up with being “the single girl”, or “the Christian spinster”.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t make God your #1 priority or that there shouldn’t be some kind of contentment in where God has called you. I think a single person should feel some kind of contentment in where God has you at this point in your life, but I also don’t feel like it’s wrong to not feel content with where you are in your single life. I trust God. I know He’s got it, and He’s going to bring the right man into my life in His perfect timing, but at the same time, I know that I’m not going to feel completely content with being a single woman, not because I’m constantly thinking and dreaming of married life one day, or making an idol of it, but because God has not called me to a life of singleness. He has called me to be a future wife and mother, and I honestly don’t think I will feel total contentment in that area of my life until those things are complete.
Again, I know I’m not the only person out there who feels this way. So, I guess my purpose for this post is 1) to be able to just be honest and transparent with you and where I am in my life right now, and 2) to be able to encourage others out there who feel like it’s wrong to not to feel content with being single, or maybe that there’s something wrong with them because they don’t feel content and they should. There’s nothing wrong with you. Maybe you aren’t made to feel completely content with being single because you’re not called to a life of singleness either. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s when we start to make marriage our main focus instead of God.
I don’t know how much longer I’ll be single. I have hope that God will bring the man He has picked out for me into my life soon, but even if I still have a bit of a wait left, I’m not going to be made to feel bad about not being content in being a single woman. God created me with the desire to be a wife and mother, and I will not apologize for that. What I will do is continue to serve Him in any way that I can, and when God chooses to bring the man He has for me into my life, that will be a great day!