Eveyone has their own group of friends they hang out with, and whether or not you like it, you have a label in your friend group. Maybe you’re the nerd, the athlete, the sassy one, or even the leader, but my label has always been the same no matter what friend group I was in. It didn’t matter if I was in middle, high school, college, or even now. My label has always been the single girl. I’m 29 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend.
Yup, you heard me right. I’m 29 years old, and I’ve never been asked out on a date, I’ve never been on a date, I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’ve never held hands with a guy, or kissed a guy, or gone further with a guy. I’ve never been in any kind of romantic relationship at all with anyone. I know, I know. I can hear the shock going through the Internet right now… In all seriousness though, I know that’s not something you come across every day. You don’t hear a whole lot about people my age never being in relationships before, and maybe you’re thinking that I’m a weirdo. I would probably think that too, but before you go and label me the weird single girl, let me tell you my story…
It’s not that I haven’t been interested in or had crushes on guys before. I defiantly have, but I was always the shy girl growing up. I was the girl who always had a hard time talking with guys that I was crushing on. I have a twin sister and she could always talk to guys and be their best friend, and pretty much the girl next door, but I was always the quiet girl that usually went unnoticed by guys.
It was never my goal or intention to be single my whole life. I was like any other teenage girl growing up. I had crushes on guys, I craved a romantic relationship like the rest of my friends were experiencing, and I dreamed of getting married one day, and like most girls, I always thought I would have gotten married by the time I was in my mid 20s and would have had a family of my own by now, but it’s never happened for me so far.
I went to college on the other side of the state, which was about 3 and a half hours away from the small town I was born and raised in. I met a lot of people during that time, and made a lot of friends. I had a few crushes, and was even close to starting relationships with a few guys, but every time I got close to making those relationships romantic, it never worked out, and I couldn’t figure out why that always seemed to happen to me. I thought that maybe I just had really bad luck with relationships, but after college I moved back to my home town, and a lot of my friends were getting married and starting families, and then the kids that I had taught in Sunday School and in Kids Church were getting married and starting families of their own, and here I was still single.
There’s quite a bit of difference when a guy is single in his mid to late 20s, and a when a girl is still single in her mid to late 20s. When a guy is still single in his mid to late 20s, most people don’t give it a second thought. They accept it more than a girl who is the same age and still single. When you’re a girl who’s in her mid to late 20s, you start getting questions from friends and family about why you’re not married and why you’re not in a relationship. I started getting these questions at the age of 21. The older I got, the more these questions surfaced, along with suggestions ranging anywhere from, changing my physical appearance all the way to maybe if I lowered my standards I would finally get a boyfriend or at least a date (that one came from a family member by the way).
After getting asked these questions and given suggestions about what I should do if I ever wanted to have a boyfriend or a romantic relationship at anytime in my life, I started to ask myself those same questions and pose those same suggestions to myself. I started to believe what everyone was saying and I started to wonder if there’s anything wrong with me because everyone else didn’t seem to have a problem finding someone, but there I was starting the descent to my late 20s, and I still had never had a relationship before. I knew that God was good because I had seen His goodness and faithfulness in my life, but I started to feel like maybe He had forgotten about me, which looking back on that now seems really silly.
A lot of people look at being single like it’s a curse, and I think that’s especially true for girls. We tend to base who we are on whether or not we’re in relationships instead of who we are in Christ, and I’m ashamed to say that I was one of those girls earlier in my life. I based my worth on whether or not the guy I was crushing on liked me back and I was so unhappy. At one point, I was really depressed because I honestly felt like I was cursed that no matter what I did or said, I could never get the relationship part of my life right.
I love to write and journal about my life, and one day I was writing, and I honestly don’t even remember what I was writing about, but I remember that it seemed like everyone had been talking to me a lot lately about relationships and so I guess something I was writing reminded me of one of those conversations, and all of a sudden I remembered a prayer I had prayed back when I was 14 or 15 years old. I had prayed to God that He would keep my heart safe from guys that He knew would not be right for me, and all of a sudden that part of my life made so much sense!
I was so convinced for the longest time that I was cursed because I could never seem to make these relationships work, but I realized that this whole time God was just being a good Father. Just like an earthly father would protect his daughter from guys that weren’t good enough for them, He was protecting me from guys that didn’t get His seal of approval. I didn’t realize it before because I’ve never had a good earthly father in my life. My parents got divorced when I was really young, and my father decided he didn’t want to be a part of my life. I really didn’t know what a good father looked like, which made it difficult for me when I would read in the Bible and hear sermons and people talk about how God is a Father. The idea never really became tangible to me until that point in my life.
I instantly felt really stupid, but also very grateful and blessed that I’ve never experienced a relationship before. A lot of people who have been in relationships have experienced heartbreak and they have baggage from their previous relationships that they will/are bringing into their marriages, but I won’t have any baggage from previous relationships to bring into my future marriage. When I get married one day, I’ll be able to give my whole heart freely to my future husband because I’ve never given my heart to another man.
I’m not saying that everyone should be like me and not have relationships before they meet the one that God has for them. This is just me. This is my story. If you’re reading this and you’re like me—you’ve never been in a relationship before and you wonder what’s wrong with you or why you’re still single, maybe the reason you’re still single is the very same reason I am. Maybe God is keeping your heart safe for the man or woman who will one day be your forever.
I’m really happy with my life right now, even though I’m still the single girl (and will be 30 later on this year). Instead of looking at being single as negative or like a curse, I look at it as a blessing and an opportunity to focus on my relationship with God and grow in Him. I know that God has someone out there for me. I know that He will bring that person to me one day, but until that day, I will be the single girl, and even though the waiting is hard sometimes, I rest on God’s promise to me that He will bring that person to me in His perfect time.